I know that love exists and even suspect that it is the most important thing in our life. The question is not whether love exists or not. It is about what it is and what comes with our love in our life. How to find love that finally brings happiness and does not drain a person? I have 1 proven advice on this.
Understand what “love” means to you. Try to come up with as many details as possible. Because your love will always be defined by what you think about it.
Many people live in the illusion that all the love in the world is “really” just the way they see it through their glasses. There is nothing wrong with their love. It is more curious when a person’s entire personal life goes off, but they confidently prove to themselves and others that this is necessary. So what? Love is a complex thing. It seems that it is easier for such people to come to terms with the sad state of affairs and call it normal than to admit that some of their strategies were unsuccessful for the desired result.
Meanwhile, what is love? Love is a set of beliefs about it. Everyone has their own beliefs, just like everyone has their own world. It will turn to you the side that you expect to see. It speaks its language with everyone and gives exactly what we expect from it.
It works like this: we always get only what is a part of our perception of the world, and we can’t get what is not a part of the perception of the world. How can you do something that you don’t even suspect exists? All our actions are dictated by our perception of the world, our beliefs. And love is not different at all in this.
We come up with certain rules that we believe in. We do it in order to justify our shortcomings and issues. Let’s say you want to meet a Russian girl, and you do; she finds you interesting and hot, but she is vegan, and this, somehow, is a no-no for you.
And so we love as hard as we can! Thinking that:
- “Love lives for three years.” Sure, not a problem! Your brain will be tuned to a specific frequency and will surely find a way to implement the planned scenario. After three years (or maybe even earlier), you will begin to wind yourself up, get nervous, look for confirmation of withering relations. Boredom and infidelity will seem likely to you, your partner’s shortcomings, differences in points of view will be striking, and you will look for conflicts. As a result, you yourself will destroy relationships that may have been able to live many happy years.
- “True love can only be woven from suffering and sacrifice.” For all fans of love, according to Shakespeare and Dostoevsky, there will certainly be enough suffering and sacrifices. You yourself will find a tormentor who exhausts all your nerves with their humiliation, nit-picking, and treason. Maybe unrequited love will happen to you. Or you will find a prince, for the sake of a relationship with whom you will need to sacrifice something very significant for you: career, family, friends. If everything is in order with a person, you yourself will ruin such a relationship. Moreover, it will always be “justified” in your eyes.
- “There is only boredom in family life, no fun insight.” Same way. You already have a ready-made scenario for the development of events, and it is sitting in your unconscious mind, waiting for its performance. You yourself will successfully break the boat of love, without giving your partner a chance for an alternative.
These are just three beliefs, and there are hundreds of them. Including positive ones, implying that:
- Love can and should bring happiness to both, and it does not matter whether it corresponds to generally accepted concepts;
- Love can live for 3 years, and 30 years, and 100 years;
- Any problem can always be solved amicably if both want it and are ready to do something for this;
- Any restrictions for the sake of love should ultimately bring each other joy and not be a source of pain.
There is no right or wrong love. Everyone has their own recipe for love. There is only love that either makes you stronger (and happier) or not. The main thing to remember here is this – everyone receives precisely that type of love in which they deeply believe in life. It is a pity that we do not realize many of our deepest convictions and can learn about them only by the way they appear in the outside world, through experience. But nothing prevents us from learning from our own life and drawing conclusions!